Am I lost?
Where’s the real me?
Am I the one that mirror reflects?
Or the one in my thoughts?
I am called by different names but,
the real me is lost and unknown.
I sing and dance during the shower,
But numb when surrounded.
Keeping my deliberation within me I start to pretend
Cause I know being fake will never go out of trend.
Behind the ‘forever smiling’ face,
lies a broken and empty soul-
whom no one knows.
I want to share my heart out
But, is there someone out here,
Is there anyone who’s hearing
Me screaming and shouting so loud?
I always end up in a doubt.
I hold so much to myself
But, this melancholy breaks me,
And I feel as if I’m drowning into depths.
Eternal echo of silence,
amidst the chaos of within.
I still lie and I’m just breathing.
Lying restless with infinite thoughts
Twirling around in my head,
I’m lost in my own world with
The memories preserved well.
Wandering in dreams,
I’m in the search of peace.
I want to cuddle,
Cuddle just like it’s done with an infant.
The tears don’t fall, I wish they could
So that I can grieve the way I should.
I always question about this,
I Never felt such hurt,
Never felt such pain,
Why? Why do I always have to suffer this way?
I was never this person,
I was a cheerful and carefree girl
Whose smile was like the raindrops as pearls?
Unlike before, I’m not the same open bird,
No one understands me here in this world.
Friends turned foes,
It sometimes becomes difficult
to bear what life throws.
I tried to create my own story
But, this world falls under criticism category.
I’m fed up of everything and everyone.
I am done. I want no one.
My soul is tired. The body is exhausted.
My heart is shrunk and shrivelled.
I’ve lost the strength to face this fake world,
That’s why I don’t want to get merged.
Aye you people, so cruel! Leave me alone.
You people have left me screwed
Thus to heal me I seek solitude.
Yes I’m a loner, and yes
Deep conversations with myself
makes me feel better.
I have been wandering in the sea of emotions,
All I see is sadness, fear and aggressiveness.
It is killing my sanity and happiness,
I am tangled in my thoughts.
I hate myself in every single way,
There is no beauty left within does that matter?
I am wandering around and round in my mind,
To seek nothing But, my old self, the real self.
The one whose smile was like a precious turquoise,
The one with a sapphire heart.
I am no more the same,
Whenever I look in the mirror,
I always think-
Am I unworthy as I imagine myself?
I die every minute pretending to be happy
But it’s rather easy than being called a ‘cry baby.’
Everyone is so busy in their life,
that no one wants to know the real me.
But I’ve got a strong determination,
I’ll keep fighting until the pain will end.
I won’t be broken for long,
This ugly feeling will soon be gone.
I know I am not alone in this tough fight
I have
“Me, Myself and I”
to make my future bright!
BY- Ekta Varshney| State Ayurveda College and Hospital, Lucknow
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